My brain has an annoying habit. It tries to solve problems while I'm sleeping. Normally, this is great, and it's led to some really valuable insight in my life.
Lately, though, it's been trying to resolve the sadness I have about Eriika. When I dream at night, I dream she's alive. Last night I dreamt that she had died, but I had a full day with her before she truly passed on. It was a great dream, and I woke up so happy. But then reality set in, and I realized it was just a dream, and that she really is gone.
It's like the opposite of a bad dream--when you're all freaked out, but then you wake up relieved. In my dreams, all is right and I'm so happy--but then I wake up with palpable feeling of sadness and loss. It puts me in a weird mood, and I feel a sense of melancholy throughout the day.
I suppose the only thing I can do is wait for the sadness to lighten, for time to pass, for my brain to settle on the fact that she's really gone. For now I suppose I'm just going to have to enjoy the time I spend with her in my dreams.
I miss you, Sis.
7 comments:
This post brought tears to my eyes, I am so sorry that each morning brings sadness. So many changes in one year. I love the pic of you two, such candid expressions of a sister. It was so fun to talk to you about her yesterday and I know the blessing of Blakely will be bittersweet as well. Lots of Love from us right now.
Hang in there. I can't even imagine what you are going through. Glad that you can have some fun times with her in your dreams. But it's a bummer that it makes you sad when you wake up.
This brought me to tears too. That photo of the two of you is priceless.
My counselor tells me that grief is not linear. You don't get better every day. You go in circles. Just when you think you are doing better, another wave crashes in. I'm so sorry and I know there is really nothing anyone can do to help. But just know I am thinking about you. Especially at this time of year.
I'm so glad you have darling Blakely. She is adorable and I love the photo of her sleeping in the animals.
so sad to read this, but so glad you were able to have such an awesome sister & so many zany, special, fun memories with her. not everybody gets to experience that.
hang in there! love you lots!
i'll send over some bieber & archuleta songs, that'll make you smile.
Crying now! I have heard these same words expressed from other friends who have experienced death. Consider the dreams real...I think heaven is close! Hugs
Oh, my! I am brought to tears as well! As I decorated for Christmas this year, I realized about half of my fave Christmas Decorations are from HER and I have a ton of decorations! Makes me sad that she is gone, but so very glad she was in my life! We miss her to.
This is so sad but so sweet. I am sure Christmas is such a hard time after the loss of someone like Eriika. I wish I had something to say to take away your sadness. At the same time your sadness shows how much she meant to you. No need to push it away.
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