Mash-Up

I have several bits of news, along with my numerous thoughts on life and celebrities. Plus, a few new things I love.

It's been a rough week in the sick department here at Team Jacobs. Lance and I both came down with gnarly colds two weekends ago. Lancer had to fly to PDX last Monday night, and that resulted in a burst eardrum. No more flying. He had to take a train home.


"Trains" to us mean delightful Euro trains. Amtrack ain't European. In fact, according to Lance, it's barely a step up from Greyhound. Lesson learned--do not fly when you are sick. Unless you get "super sick" on a flight to NYC, happen to have your lovely wife with you, and have to remain grounded in Manhattan for a week while your ears recover. That sounds terrible.

Lancer--in better times. Germany to be exact. Oh, how I miss Europe!

We are no longer candidates for carbon monoxide poisoning. And by that I mean we got a brand spanking new furnace....against our will.

We tried to kick the heat on a few weeks ago, and it wouldn't turn on. A guy came out to fix it, and mentioned that the heat exchange was cracked. How hard can that be to repair?? Impossible, it tuns out, when the company went out of business 30 years ago. Yes, 30. Because our furnace was 45 years old. On the positive side of things, it lasted 3 times longer than expected. Bonus--I guess.

Since we were doing the heat, we decided to get a quote for air conditioning. I have no idea where my varied readers live, but air conditioning is a hot (pardon the pun) commodity in the Bay Area. It's a luxury that most people don't have. We've been in our little abode for 7 years now, and every summer we sweat and suffer through a few heatwaves. Well, folks, the suffering has come to an end. We decided to toss in a new A/C unit. Hallelujah.

Party at my place all summer long! Now if I could only talk Lance into a small therapy pool for my year round water aerobics. The Endless Pool Waterwell would suffice. I've done my research.

My dream come true

Any of my readers looking to build me one of these? I can trade you cool nights on my couch in return for your labor.

My new favorite show is Homeland. It features an American hero who may be anything but. It stars the lovely Claire Danes as a savvy but half crazy agent, who's a bit of a loose cannon. She cries a lot.

Everytime the waterworks turn on, I pretend that she's bawling over the hot but half-witted and illiterate Jordan Catalano.

You don't have to read when you're this hot!

Speaking of delicious. How tasty is Starbucks' salted caramel mocha??

You should ask me, because they have accidentally given me coffee 6 TIMES NOW WHEN I HAVE ORDERED A SALTED CARAMEL HOT CHOCOLATE. Get it together, Starbucks! Don't make me threaten to boycott you. Such a claim would be fruitless, and only punish me in the end. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me six times, shame on me. Like, six embarrassing times over.

Have you all discovered the goodness of gummi vitamins??

Where have they been my whole life?? I love these things. They have Daily Multi-Vitamins, Vitamin C, Calcium, Pre-Natals (not an announcement) and even fiber! I gobble these babies up, and pretend that I'm suffering for my health. Don't be fooled. They're delicious! Well, the calcium ones have kind of a creepy sugar coating, and the grape ones taste like crap, but they're still better than drinking milk all day. Unless it's hidden in a Starbucks Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate, of course.

Safeway Home Delivery

Does anyone do this?? Why aren't we all doing this?? You get the same low prices, and they drop it off at your door. It's only $6 extra for a one hour window, $4 extra for a 2 hours window, and $3 for a 3 hour window. This is my new plan for grocery shopping. Of course, I'll still have to haul my tuckus to Trader Joe's, Costco, and Whole Foods every week. But if I can knock out the main grocery shopping where the delivery fee is the same price as one totally incorrect Starbucks drink, why not.

Moving on to celebrities.

Christina Auguleria. Look--I had a kid, and the weight is hard to keep off. I feel you. However--I would suggest not parading around in weird bandage dresses and sparkly leotards. It's not a good look.

Jlo. You have the worst taste in men. The worst! This guy is a 24 year old backup dancer.

How did that turn out for you the first time?? Oh, right. Paging Chris Judd.

Not to mention that you are a forty something mother, thrice divorced. Maybe you should date someone your own age. And someone who doesn't look like Steve-O from Jackass. Or, better yet, don't date at all.

Kim. Oh, Kim.

I'm going to give you a break because I feel like I hastily broke up with The YMCA without thinking through the repercussions. Whoopsies. Jazzercise was awesome, but the childcare is really meant for school aged kids doing homework, not for nutty babies. It sucks because I love it. The teacher even sent me a postcard telling me I was a great dancer. Doi! Sadly, I may be crawling back to the Y. But you better bet your biddy I'll be demanding my $50 referral for Target either way! Just kidding about the break, Kim. You're a stupid skankwad.

Demi and Ashton. Sigh.He's a skeez. She turned a blind eye. The only real question I have is who told her that this wedding "dress" looked good? It was doomed from the start. Neckerchiefs never lead to anything good. Trust me on this one. I speak from experience in the 90's.

I better stop blogging, and start cooking. Turkey Day is only 2 days away, and I'm going to eat until I look like Christina. Without the spangly leotard, of course. I know how to hide my fat.

Breaking Dawn Party and Midnight Movie

It's been suggested that Twi-Hards are some of the biggest crazies out there. This post will do nothing to dispel this notion.

Breaking Dawn--what we have all been waiting for!

I may have gone a tad bit overboard in the decorating department.

You mean you don't have a wall of Twilight??

Team Sparkle

Team Wet Dog

As the party carried on, we got slightly inappropriate with the cardboard characters while Lance hid out in his mancave. PS--check out my cute new boots!

I gave Beezie the choice between Team Edward and Team Jacob. She gave it some thought.

Eddie

or Jake?

She marched down the hall showing her choice. I've never been more proud.

Of course she chose Team Edward. She was raised well from an early age.

I have to admit Breaking Dawn was better the next night with 13 crazy friends, but it still wasn't great. We rolled home at 3 am, and my cold kicked back into high gear as punishment. It was worth it, though. Until next November!

Breaking Dawn--Showboating Edition

Unlike previous years, Sharla and I weren't able to secure advanced screening passes for a Twilight film. It was sad being a commoner. It's not a place I like to dwell.


And then...I got a text letting me know there would be two tickets waiting for me tonight. Oh sweet day! I got to lord over the commoners again, and brag about my fortune with gusto, which is pretty much what my blog was created for.

I grabbed equally Twi-Crazed Sharla and headed up to SF. We looked for the seats in the reserved press section. It's old hat now.

Yeah, yeah....we're kind of a big deal...

We got a bunch of posters, which will come in handy for the party tomorrow night! I'm a little disappointed that Jacob has a shirt on. Rip it off, WolfBoy! Eddie, you can leave yours on.



The promoters were throwing out hats to the audience. I may have acted like a crazed nut to get one. Let's just say...I got one.

Okay, folks. Here's the nitty gritty. I didn't love the movie. But I also didn't love the book. I feel like the first three were all on the same page, and then the fourth book turned into a weird science fiction novel, complete with "tasty" blood shakes and uterus chomping vampbabies.

Things I had a beef with:

Edward was...not hot. Is it too late to switch teams?? He seemed pained and strained during the whole movie.

Jacob, on the other hand, was a hottie. But he was also emo and weepy, and emotionally unstable.

The hair--oh, the hair. Emmett had awful hair. Carlisle had awful hair. Edward in the wedding scene had awful hair--like 6 piecey pieces of bangs. What happened to the hot, tousled hair from Twilight?? I protest!

Bella is emaciated, sweaty, and half dead in most of the movie. It's unbecoming.

Renesemee. Worst. Name. Ever. Every time I hear it, it's like nails on a chalkboard.

Lame soundtrack.

THE BIG SCENE was a total letdown. I know they had to keep it PG-13 and all...but I felt it lacked in the chemistry department. Truthfully, I felt like the chemistry was hotter in the other movies. It's actually palpable when they first smooch in Twilight. This scene should have been amazing. There are even shirts dedicated to it.

I need this shirt

The upside is that we got to see more than I thought we would, which was a bonus. And the very last frame was cool--it leaves the audience excited for the last installment.

I'm looking forward to the party tomorrow night, as well as the midnight movie. I better get to bed, or I won't last! Break out your fangs, Twi-hards! The end is near!

The True Tale of Hooty

It's official--I won the Display-Off. 3/5 votes with one vote still unaccounted for. I had all sorts of great ideas involving showboating and braggery, but I thought the untold story of Hooty was a better tale.

Have I got a tale for you...hoo...hooo...

I'm sure many of you thought it was strange that Ashley gave me the dreaded Hooty bird. After all, I had mocked it, guffawed at it, and called it a mass-produced piece of junk manufactured for the gauche masses. I was thoroughly annoyed that it was the PDR that put her over the top in Round One, and cinched her eventual win. Even our friends were blown away by Hooty. Oh, Hooty, how I despised thee.

As October wore on, I was dreading the arrival of the 10th. As many of you may or may not know, my sister passed away on 10/10/10 after a long battle with lupus. Though she had been sick for many years, she wasn't sicker than usual, and her death was a huge shock. Add on the fact that I had a newborn that was less than 2 weeks old, and I was a basket case. I wasn't able to attend her funeral because of Blakely, which didn't help things. At that time, Ashley was a great friend and true cheerleader. She brought me gluten-free apple pies (she had to chase down gluten-free Bisquick!) and treats, and cute cards with exceptionally funny and touching words.

Fast forward to the 10th this year. I woke up in a sad and somber mood, trying to get up the will to leave the house for the day. It was a beautiful and warm day as I stepped outside...and saw Hooty gracing my doorstep. I laugh and cried when I saw him on my step.

The best part was the fact that she did something thoughtful and nice with an undercurrent of funny mixed in.....totally Eriika. In fact, she has stood in for Eriika so many times this year I've lost count. I've run party menus by her, gift ideas, primary questions....all of the things I would have used Eriika for. She's been a true friend and sister to me in ways I cannot describe properly in person, or on paper, but I hope she has a inkling of how much her friendship means to me.

And that is the true tale of how the Hooty bird came to my house, and how he helped me cinch a hard-fought win. I didn't want to share the tale before and tip the scales in my favor out of pity--or worse, send the votes Ashley's direction for her friendly ways! Just kidding. Kind of.

So, thank you Ashley and Hooty for brightening my sad day, and for making my September-November a hilarious time when I needed cheering up the most. I smile and think of Eriika every time I pass him on the way in and out of my house. He's even better with his adorable Pilgrim's hat. I have a consolation prize for you that I suspect would make Bob Barker proud. Naturally, I bought one for myself, so we'll be all matchy-matchy. Just like sisters should be.

Round Three of the Display-Off: Bountiful Harvest

This is the post to end it all. We have each won a battle, now it's time to see who will win the war. I present to you....Bountiful Harvest!

Who feels like the know my house by heart at this point? In keeping with previous entries, let's start as we walk up the pathway.

To the left you will find my first display

I absolutely love this display. It's so inviting to guests as they walk up the path to our house. Some favorite pieces are:

Crab apples in harvest basket

And seasonal grasses in tin bucket

As you round the corner, you see an overall view of the front of the house with the two additional displays.

This is the display to the left of the door

My crate packed full of seasonal goodies, and the requisite horn 'o' plenty. It's not November without a cornucopia of fall delights.

As promised in Round Two, I turned Hooty into a little pilgrim. He's perched on top of my vintage stove. This is my favorite piece in this particular display. I can't lie.

Here is the next (and last!) display to the right of the door.

There are a few great pieces in this display as well. Vintage milk jug filled with seasonal grasses

Vintage picnic basket filled with fall mums sitting atop vintage crate. I LOVE this piece! The colors really pop against the brown basket.

Raffia wrapped dried corn stalks nestled in my orange canister. Being from Iowa, this was a requirement in the display.

And that's all, folks!

Feel free to praise, trash, or do some combination of both. This round will be decided by a panel of qualified judges (read--light on Ashley's friends) who will be both fair and unbiased. No "I love candy, so Ashley wins" business going on in this ever-important round!

Bring it, Carter!! Let's see what you got!

Decisions, Decisions

It's a little late to be blogging. What's that, you say? I have an extra hour? Let the blogging commence.

The other day B came out in purple pajamas with the top buttons undone to her navel. It was very Prince like. It got me wondering if anyone made Prince tees for kids. They do! I found this adorable shop that will come and save the day. I have a handful I'm drooling over.

Here's the onesie that started it all. It seems borderline inappropriate. I think I will pass on the Purple One.

The King of Pop

Beastie Boys--No Sleep Til Brooklyn

Depeche Mode--Enjoy the Silence

Safety Dance--We Can Dance if we Want to

Run DMC--You be Illin!

Billy Idol--Dancin With Myself

Lloyd Dobler--In Your Eyes

Beastie Boys--Fight for Your Right to Party

NKOTB--doi

U2--Joshua Tree

Naturally, I had to add a Smith Morrissey onesie. What a great band. That Smith Morrissey.

I'm torn between the onesies. At $15 a pop, I can justify 2. Weigh in, please!