Dumpster Diving

In the 90's, I had a summer fling with a guy who was a dumpster diver. He had this shirt he scavenged out of a trash bin, and it was...ugly. It looked like Ethan Hawke's shirt from Realty Bites.

Ew.

In any case, I threw a dinner party where my sole objective was introducing him to my friends. My only stipulation was that he didn't wear the dumpster shirt. I didn't even make him bring a side dish! He kept saying he was going to wear it, and I kept telling him I would break up with him if he did. 

He wore the shirt. I broke up with him by pool, while everyone inside watched through the large glass patio door. Then I made out with a guy I had a crush on all summer who had amazing 90's hair, and wore clothing from stores instead of garbage cans.

I've come a long way since then. Once a year, our beloved city holds a cleanup week where you can literally dump anything out into the street, and they will come and pick it up for free. It's like Christmas for me.

Our humble offering this year

Scavenging through the various piles has become a sport in the neighborhood. People rent trucks and vans, and come out en masse like cockroaches, pouring out into the streets hunting for treasure. They pile their vehicles full of junk and then scurry home.

There are two camps. The day scavengers, and the night scavengers. The former camp brazenly collects items in broad daylight, often grabbing items from the homeowners the second they set the items on the curb. I'm in the latter camp.

I hit the mean streets with my trusty new Costco wagon. I loaded it with crap, and then ran home under the cloak of night. Lance was less ballsy, using B in the jogger as his cover. She was loud and squawky, and we feared she would attract the attention of our neighbors, and bring us great shame as we picked through their castoffs.

We got Beezie a Powerwheels Jeep, a plastic table, and a Makin Mud Pies sink. I couldn't find the legs on round one, but I found them on the way home from church today.I also found a replacement bowl on the Little Tikes website for $1.49. Score!

I also picked up a play kitchen, and a totally nice playhouse for friends. I know a good bargain when I see one! This crap all stays outside, for the record. No way am I letting this junk in my nice house.

I've fallen from grace, and can no longer feel smug about my decision to break up with a dude based solely on his dumpster diving habits. After all, I did pick up a wide brimmed hat from the sidewalk to use in a 60's era Cabana Club photoshoot I have planned in my head. I sure hope Lance doesn't break up with me by a pool anytime soon. Of course, when we were dating, he did bring home a questionable leather chair that was all puckered, and looked like a....body part where the sun don't shine. I think our relationship is on solid ground.

We've also managed to avoid THIS SCENARIO. 

Also, I'm a ninja for being able to schlep this crap all over the city without a minivan or truck! VW should give me a small, crappy car and watch in amazement as I fill it with junk from my hood. Now that would be a great commercial.