Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The Eight Types of Kids

As I clean up my living room for the 27th time in 2 days--Lance was out of town, so it was a NON-STOP PARTY--I've come to realize that there are 8 distinct types of kids.Which crime does your kid commit?

The Dumper

The Dumper is drawn to baskets, tubs, containers, and boxes. End goal? To dump the entire contents of said container in one big heap. The Dumper doesn't want to actually play with any of the toys, just dump and run.

How you like me now?? Classic dump and run.



The Clearer

The clearer is straightforward. They take their arm--or a bat or broom--and start clearing. They knock the entire contents of a table or chair off in one fell swoop. Done. A subset of this model is The Thrower--they simply throw the contents of the table off piece by piece.

Bam!




The Spreader

The Spreader likes to spread toys of all shapes and sizes as far from their place of origin as possible. Kitchen toys? They go to the bathroom. Little people? Straight to the bookcase! Bitty Twins? Off to Lance's room. Like the Dumper, the goal is not to play with the toys, but to spread them all over the house.

The Bag Lady

The Bag Lady is linked to the the Spreader, but they use a container--usually baskets and shopping carts--to gather toys. They overflow their respective containers, and meander around the house with their treasures. The beauty is in the collecting and journey, not the destination, which is how this model is different than The Spreader.

Hobo Style--The Bag Lady



The Grass is Always Greener

Another kid playing with the fire truck? The GIAG cannot resist! They MUST have the fire truck. Once it's in their possession, they look around to see what other toy they simply must have. This repeats itself over and over.


The Hoarder

The Hoarder is similar to the GIAG, but this particular model of child not only fights over the popular toys, they hoard them as well. The Hoarder wants ALL of the crowd favorites--the bus, the recycling truck, the beanbags, and the piano...all at once.

But they're ALL my favorites, Mommy!




The Hider

The Hider does just what their moniker says. They find and hide all sorts of treasures in the darnedest of places. The Hider is prone to small figurines and easy to hide trinkets. They hide things in drawers, under the couch, in boxes, behind pillows. You can always tell when The Hider has been over when you go to sit down on the couch, and discover a zoo full of animals hiding behind the cushion.

The Hider strikes again!



The Decepticon

Yeah, I stole the term from Transformers. The Decepticon is devious and crafty. They play well with others...until they don't. They share nicely and then lash out unexpectedly in a fit of rage. This can include hair pulling, pinching, and pushing. The Decepticon is usually sleep deprived, sick, or hungry. Usually.

So which kid is yours? Blakely is The Clearer, with a touch of The Decpeticon on bad days. I may or may not have found a clump of hair. It probably belongs to the Hoarder. Ain't nobody gonna mess with Beezie's piano AND her trampoline at the same time and escape unscathed.

More importantly, where is the Play by Myself Quietly Without Making a Mess model? Did I miss any models?

9 comments:

Molly said...

GIAG, Hoarder, Decepticon. In that order. Both kids. Although I must admit that they actually do play quietly by themselves a lot of the time. But the problems times are always one of the three above.

Ashley said...

This is why I don't participate in playgroup.

Kristine Gray said...

All of the above. It's amazing I have an ounce of sanity left.

teuscher travels said...

Laughing since we were over there and I realized last night Elise dumped out a ton and I didn't bother to clean bf leaving... I was too tired to text and figured I just owed u a diet coke at some point.
Elise is a dumper but that could be a function of age, Hadley tends toward bag lady with a touch of hoarder (was the hair silky blonde?). Loves the crowd faves but hasn't seemed to tgiag...yet. And rarely sweeps or hides, but every kid seems to have a bit of everything, pretty good breakdown! The bigger question is if the moms assessments agree with the observers:)

Greg said...

Kaari, I'm just looking at the mess and am exhausted thinking about cleaning it up. I am constantly amazed at the chaos that results when kids and toys are left alone for any length of time!

The Mostess said...

Hadley is totally the Bag Lady, with slight GIAG/Hoarder tendencies. Good call!

Eise doesn't count, she's a baby. Dumping is her MO. It's allowed.

Ashley--I can see why you don't host. But how does it affect your ability to attend?

The Gilberts said...

funny!

Ashley said...

If I attended, I'd have to take a turn hosting. But really I don't attend because I have very few hours to do errands each week (with just Benny) and that includes Friday mornings. That is sacred time, and no dumper/bag lady/clearer etc. is going to stand between me and Costco.

Em said...

I would say Mita is a lightweight version of a few, namely the Spreader, the Clearer, and a hint of the Bag Lady. She's dainty enough not to clear things in one fell swoop, but one at a time. She then she moves her "treasures" around the house with practiced technique. With this, I'm daring to add another sub-category: The Forgetter.

Me: Mita, where did you put your baby's bottle?
Mita: Said with total sincerity, "I don't know!"