Does This Baby Make me Look Fat?

Behold--the obligatory belly shots! This is me @ 22 weeks.

For Memorial Day, Lancer and I hit up the tiny town of Pescadero. It's one of our favorite local haunts--good food, fun shops, and lots of interesting locals. This is our favorite way to spend the holiday.


Lancer couldn't turn down a warm, fresh ollalberry pie. Note that I can't eat any of this wheat-laden pie, so Lancer got it all for himself. Shamefully, I might add.


When we got home, we spent the rest of the evening playing on the lawn, enjoying the good weather and our fine canine baby.

I like how Logan looks trapped. He's plotting his escape.

I also found these cool vintage prints for the nursery. I love how the umbrella one will tie in with the other fabric--and the camera one is just too cute to pass up. A lady should have coordinating prints.

I picked these vintage tin signs up a few months ago. They're old gas station numbers, and I'm trying to figure out where they should go.

Check out the library this kid already has! I think we have enough books to get us started. Can you tell I teach reading?

Looking forward to a nice, relaxing summer. Maybe my left leg will even start to cooperate and do its job. A girl can dream.

Input, Please.

Time to get down to brass tacks, peeps. I need input on the final colors for the nursery. The good news--I found fabric that I love! It involves little pink and not a single stitch of purple so I can avoid that whole "unicorn vomited in the room" look I despise so much.

This took some serious work--roughly 5 hours dashing between different fabric stores, which would be easier if I could stand and/or walk. Sharla's a champ for being my escort. Next time, I'm taking this baby. I can walk, I can sit--win/win.


My MIL Bon-Bon is going to make a quilt for me, and I found these 30's/40's inspired fabrics that will go with this cute pattern--it will pretty much look like that quilt. Adorable!


Next up--the big stuff! The main fabric for the crib. I present to you: "Rainy Days and Monday's Always Get me Down " by Riley Blake.


You can see the entire collection here.

Here's where you come in. I'm going to make a box-pleat crib skirt out of the white retro umbrella pattern above. That's decided.

The bumper is going to be 3 different fabrics similar to the bumper in this picture. It will repeat the pattern all the way around the crib.

I need 3 choices out of these--which ones do you think will work the best?

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

I also think I'm going to do a vinyl umbrella above the crib. I think this one is cute:

Here's the color chart for the umbrella. I'm thinking the green, dark green, gray or yellow one. Persimmon is also cute. Thoughts?

Okay people with good taste. Let me have it.

My list of Gripes and Injustices

I had a sour day yesterday, and I'm taking an extra day to wallow in my grumpiness.

On my list

1. Ponch got the last laugh! My $20 citation arrived, and with taxes and fees, it comes to a whopping $146!!! I need a Mathlete to figure out that increase because I suck at math--but I do know it's enough to make me want to throw tea in a certain Boston harbor. Plus, while I'm in Beantown, I can say hi to my Boys, yes?

2. My phone died, and it's currently in the shop. The guy behind the counter had the misfortune of asking if I had purchased extra insurance for the phone, and my answer was likely not what he was looking for. But, seriously, peeps--when the main function of the phone (touchscreen) freezes after 5 months THAT'S YOUR FREAKING PROBLEM AND I AM NOT GOING TO PAY FOR IT!!!


3. The lady at the Sprint store who insisted there was no way to email me to let me know when my phone was ready for pickup, and insisted on getting my phone number so she could call when it was ready. I had the pleasure of repeating the number associated with the frozen phone back to her, and told her to feel free to call herself tomorrow, and let herself know the phone was ready for pickup. She took down my email.

4. Of course, this (possibly) pregnancy induced tirade was nothing like the one I released on the lady at Babies R Us who insisted I had to add at least 50 items to my registry before it could be entered into the system. I handed her back the gun and told her to knock herself out. She may want to waste her time, but I certainly wasn't going to. This led my sister to call and ask why I had 19 cribs on my registry.

5. I missed not one, but two important phone calls yesterday from my doctor because of #2.

6. I ordered lettuce wraps, and they came without lettuce. I didn't notice until I got home.


7. I had to take an updated photo at the DMV. Now I get to look at my inflated face for the next 5 years every time I show i.d.

8. PS--I also had to lie about my weight. A lot.

9. I had to go to the DMV.


10. Mini Mostess is currently parked on a nerve, preventing me from standing. If I try and stand for longer than 5 minutes, I get numbness followed by shooting, burning pain. And, no, I do not think I am prohibited from complaining about my pregnancy symptoms because I had to wait longer and try harder for Mini. That's like waiting extra long for lunch, burning your tongue on hot soup, and then having everyone tell you that you can't complain about your burnt tongue because you should just be grateful you have lunch. I am grateful, and lunch is great, but my tongue still hurts! If everyone else gets to complain about their burnt tongue, so do I!

11. I can't wear my beloved maternity skinny jeans because of #10. Too skinny, cut off circulation, pinch nerve even more.

12. The weirdo who wasted my time by asking me stupid, obscure questions about an antique art deco dresser I am selling. No, it doesn't have modern sliders--it's a-n-t-i-q-u-e. I should have known she was a freakshow when she asked when she could see the piece, and I told her two days would be the earliest I could show it. Her response? "I guess that would be fine. It is always better to do it as soon as possible, otherwise people forget. Human nature." Red flag city!

Any takers? Asking $50.

13. I have decided against the PBK madras set because it has too much pink, and I really, really don't like this much pink. I think I have to make my own crib bedding. Any takers on that one, either? Must possess marginal sewing skills. I (Lance) will pay you.


14. Bono hurt his back at a recent concert, and it looks like they will be canceling their tour date in June. First Dave, now Bono. I am starting to really hate aging rockers.

I feel so much better already. I must say, however, that pregnancy has certainly made me less willing to deal with bad customer service-but how is that really a bad thing? I'm not crazy, right?

Logan is on Thin Ice

Logan is on a naughty kick these days. I got home on the late side last night, and made an english muffin to help settle my stomach while I took my 8 million gag-worthy prenatal pills. I settled onto the couch, and set my plate on the couch beside me.

In a brazen act of thievery, Logan jumped up on the couch and got in 3 solid swipes of jam and cream cheese before I screamed at him and knocked him off the couch. The last time I screamed at him like that he was a puppy, and I literally scared the pee out of him. I told him that he was naughty and bad, and told him to go to his doggie den immediately.

I didn't hear a peep out of him for a solid half hour. I crept into the kitchen, and saw the most apologetic and contrite face peeking out of his doggie den. He couldn't even look me in the eye.

Note that his door was open, and he could have crept out at any time--except he knew he would face my wrath again, so he stayed put.

We had a little chat about why his actions were wrong, and he let me know it wouldn't happen again.

During our break today, I told my students about the muffin-snatching. I went out to get some snacks for them, and when I came back I saw this little drawing on the board:


My cute little student explained that the picture was of me holding a muffin--I was crying because Logan had eaten it, and I was really hungry. I got a serious laugh out of it, and felt much better. When I got home tonight, I played with Logan a little to let him know we were okay. He learned a valuable lesson learned by his dad a few months earlier--you do NOT mess with a pregnant woman's food.

Behold...the Mini Mostess--Allegedly

Have you ever wondered what your baby would look like before it was born? Why wait? This is 2010--we have morphing software that can tell you what's coming down the baby pipeline.

You plug in a photo of you.

Then you plug in a photo of your spousie.

Then you wait for 2 minutes until it spits out the alleged image of your baby based on your photos.

Here she is!

I have to say, she's a fair sample. I'm not sure why she has hair like The Donald, but I'm happy to see Lance's eyes, and my heart-shaped chin in the mix.

I'm excited to see if she really looks like this or not. Go here to do your baby.

Do I Owe Another $20??

Yo, Ponch--it's not "illegal" to Eclipse and drive, right? Cause I'm only doing it at stoplights. I swear.

An Unwelcome Burden

I'm a pop culture genius. There's no two ways about it, I just am. Books, music, movies, TV, gossip, politics, food--if it happened, I know about it. Normally, this is a great blessing. It has helped me in the following ways:

I always win Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture Edition. Always. Don't even get me started on the 80's and 90's game.


I always win every song challenge. If you argue about the singer of a band, or the lyrics of a song, you will lose.

I know all of the best clubs, and how to get in free.

I have a killer iTunes library.

I dazzled my PR teacher with my knowledge of silent film star Fatty Arbuckle on the first day of class. I then became the class favorite for 2 years. Woo-hoo!

I get about 20% more humor out of 30 Rock Episode versus a normal citizen.


I believe, deep down, that every episode of Glee was made for me.

I eat really good food.

I can do period piece costumes like no other, because I know what was up in each decade.


Lately, though, it's become a burden. Every baby name suggestion is already attached to some inane piece of knowledge wedged in my brain.

Peyton--crazy lady from The Hand That Rocks the Cradle!
Sutter-popular street in San Francisco!
Carson--flaming dude from Queer eye!
Harper--To Kill a Mockingbird!
Audrey--Hepburn!
Charlotte-SATC!
Violet--Willy Wonka!
Evelyn--stupid street we lived on when we first got married, apartment we hated!
Zoe--crappy charachter on Sesame Street!
Stella--already used by Tori Spelling!

I'm totally screwed. I never thought I would see the day where I would be punished for being so awesome and cool.

I Love Lance, but I Hate Dirty Hippies

Lancer and I have been happily hitched for 7 years now. Tomorrow is our anniversary, and like most things this year, we're playing it rather low-key. We are some seriously tired peeps. Le Bebe and The Startup have poached every last ounce of energy we have, and we're just too tired to put on a big to-do.

In honor of us, I am posting my fave wedding picture. Ta-da! Hope you like it.

2 weeks ago, we decided to celebrate our anniversary early and do a long weekend in Mendocino. We had never been there before, and we were excited to get out of dodge. I found this cushy spa and resort that looked amazing--an eco-friendly lodge in the mountains with kayaks, organic gardens, etc. The selling point was the huge indoor atrium with a nice, heated pool and hot tub.

Our "amazing" eco-resort.

We started out Friday afternoon, and made our way up north. We hit some traffic along the way, and decided to stop in at the outlet malls. I tricked Lancer into going into Coach just to look--which I promise was my actual intention. I already had a new bag, so I didn't need anything else, besides a diaper bag. And it's not like they have a diaper bag line there.

But, wait! They do, and they're cute. Did anyone else know this? But not as cute as the totally adorable cream purse that I bought to use as my diaper bag instead!

It was 70% off, and that's practically free. I also snatched up a cute madras plaid hat, and Lancer got some belts. Success! We moved on.

Our freeway quickly turned into a tiny, dark, winding road. Soon it was almost 9, and we were hungry. I called ahead to order some food before the kitchen closed. That's when the lady informed me that the menu wasn't vegetarian--it was vegan. "But I saw sushi on the menu," I protested. "Oh, that's not real sushi. It's made with bean curd." Gag-o-rama. Lance relented and ordered the lentils, and I got a pile of roasted veggies on polenta. For $60. We checked in, and we not-so-pleasantly surprised to be innandated with a booklet containing a million reasons we should be vegan. Pass.

On the plus side, the room was cozy, and the bed was super comfy. It had a little fireplace, and balcony overlooking the ocean.

The organic gardens

I'll spare you the details on why the rest of the trip was a bust, but let's just say that we figured out a few things.

1. "Eco-friendly" in Mendo really means vegan propoganda, terrible food, dirty hippies, pricey meditation seminars, and signs in the bathroom strongly advising you to ration the water. Um, I'm on vacation. I should be able to use the entire water tank up if I want to. The Ritz would let me!

2. Mendo is in the heart of pot-growing country, and everyone is high. Everyone--including your servers. So when they forget your order twice and outright refuse to bring the sauce for your sandwich because you tried to order a Diet Coke (scoff!!!!) you will know why.

3. Kayaking/canoeing would only be fun when you don't have to battle a strong current to head back upstream to return said canoe/kayak.

4. Freezing cold water sure makes an indoor pool less appealing.

On the plus side of things, Mendo is a very quaint and charming town. The ocean views are really cool, because the water is surrounded by lush forests, and gorgeous redwoods.



This may look familiar--it's where they filmed Murder She Wrote. Ironic, since I would have killed for some red meat and an icy Diet Coke, and the locals would have killed me for trying. Solve that one Jessica Fletcher!


I was trying to do a fancy list about all of the reasons I love Lancer, and why I'm happy we're married. But it really comes down to this: I made roast tonight, and we both put gravy on the potatoes, but ketchup on the roast. We're so obviously meant to be. Always have been, always will be. Maybe one day I will post the whole, long, convoluted story about how we met--but for now, you will have to settle for the ketchup bit.

Happy 7th baby--I love you! And I'm excited for Mini Mostess to come on down and join our little California family! We just won't take her to Mendo.

And You Thought I Was Crazy

My NKOTB friend Carolyn was happily cruising down 580 today, and what did she see?

This!!!!

Yes, this Bay Area Blockhead turned her SUV into a rolling ad for The Kids. Carolyn started screaming at her, and the driver slowed down enough for her to snap a picture. Even I'm speechless.

I no longer want a pony. I just want a NKOTB car. Is that too much to ask?

Oh, Baby Baby!

The guessing game is finally over!

Boy or girl? Boy or girl?

And the million dollar answer is....

GIRL!!!!!!

Now I can start planning my pink NKOTB onesies accordingly. Oh, and picking out baby names. I've had my boy name in the hopper for 15 years, but I have squat in the girl name department.

Yet another surprise! I was 100% convinced it was a boy. For 2 people who spent a lot of time, money, and effort to get pregnant, we've sure been surprised along the way.

I have to start getting over my aversion to pink and purple. But the baby headbands are still firmly on the "NO" list.

I can't wait to see Lancer with our Mini Mostess. We're truly over the moon.

Ponch Got Me

I fought the law, and the law won. Now I owe him a cool $20. What was my infraction?

I quote the citation: "reading a text." Not writing one, just reading one.
Yep, Johnny Law busted me for reading a text at a stoplight. According to him, the Commissioner of Santa Clara counts sitting at a stop light as "operating your motor vehicle," thus making you ineligible for text reading.

Whatevs. I will send in my Andrew Jackson and call it a day. After all, I'm just glad he didn't notice my recently expired license.

Who knew I was so good at flaunting the law and living a life on the lam?