Birthday Roast

My friends roasted me for my 37th birthday. It was epic.

Carly was the organizer extraordinaire, and Kristine hosted it. It was the party I have always wanted to throw for myself, and that's no easy feat. Twilight? Check. NKOTB? Check. Talk of my luscious hair? Check. My friends referring to me as "fun, loud and aggravating?" CHECK!

I was greeted with this little scene. Ashley was tasked with procuring a dozen balloons, but I called her a #wetblanket and #introvert earlier in the day, so she whittled it down to three balloons. I think we all know I'm lucky to have gotten even 3. #shedoesntmessaround #ballbuster

It started with a buffet of my favorite foods. Turns out I'm kind of white trash, but my friends still like me anyway. Chick Fil A nuggets, a TUB 'o' Sauce, sweet potato fries, fruit, layered JEll-O, corn muffins, salad, creamed corn, cupcakes, and enough Diet Coke to last several weeks.

It comes in a tub!

We quickly moved on to the roast portion, ushered along by Ashley and Heather--the unofficial "mover alongers" of our group. No party can wrap up fast enough for these two keepers of time.

Ashley started out the roast with some hilarious and highly accurate observations and tidbits about me.

Some of my favorite gems:

*We would make great wing women because we have opposite taste in men. She's a Pacey, I'm a Dawson.

*She has a thing for Downton Abbe sex symbol Mr. Bates (not exactly true-but still funny)

*She creates holiday wonderlands that are magical and cozy.

*She does not have a confidence problem

*The only thing bigger than her boobs is her personality--Kaari can be hilarious, aggravating, exciting, sarcastic, charitable, and charming--but she is never boring!

It brought the laughs

Heather was up next, and she was also super funny and spot on

Some of my favorite gems:

*It is commendable to be equally at ease while camping in the mountains as well as at a fancy gala in the city.

*If one captures a good picture of  hair or a particularly flattering angle, immediately post to all media outlets.

*To truly enjoy food, one should locate an eatery, eat at it frequently--possibly daily-- and arrange for your friends to attend and praise it incessantly. After about 6 to 9 months it should then be dead to you, and another location must be found.

*If one is going to do something, do it passionately--whether it be Jazzercise, hair products, crockpot cooking, or 80's dancing. Promote it in any and all available conversations.

Kristine actually had nice things to say about me, and presented me with the greatest sign ever. I would totally win a NKOTB display-off with Farts Mcgee.

Meghan wrote an amazing novel titled "Kaari is made of Diet Coke." It could be a best selling novel in a foreign country. I need this dress to match my new book.

After the roast, the guys did a hilarious Dating Game bit, and the three contestants were trying to win my affections.

Lance gave horrible answers. He described himself as "average, and not fat." I thought this meant I was supposed to pick another candidate.

I ended up with this guy. He's also "not fat." That's apparently all I look for in a guy. Lancer knows me so, so well.

After the dating game, the girls did a "California Gurls" inspired song and dance that was hilarious. Yes, they're wearing yoga pants, fleece jackets on top.

You can see it HERE 

Carly tried to get these five hotties to show up, but they were busy working on choreographed moves to make my summer amazing.

So she mad this happen. My very own boyband!! They had the Right Stuff.

They even donned Donnie masks, and serenaded me with "I'll be Loving you Forever." These guys were AWESOME. I couldn't believe the foolish things they did on my behalf.

You know when this is on your table at the end of the night, you had one truly hilarious party.

Thanks for helping me ring in 37 in style, ladies and nonfat boybanders.I loved every single thing about my fabulous fete!