Casting Call

I am holding a casting call for Eclipse. As we all know, New Moon wrapped, and they will begin shooting Eclipse in a few months. I know they are technically just looking for "Native American Indian" actors, but I would like to suggest that a good level 3 spray tan can do the trick.

Why the casting call? Because boring Bella went and dyed her hair black. And chopped it off. Into a mullet.You simply cannot pair the man with THE GREATEST HAIR ON EARTH with that hot mullety mess. Therefore, I would like to cast a new Bella.

May I strongly suggest the following candidate?

I know it's for the Joan Jett biopic, and it won't last forever...blah, blah, blah. But I have high hair standards, and I just don't think her ugly do should be anywhere near Edward's delightful coif. What if it rubs off? What if he gets a mullet?

Meh--moot point--still hot.

Till Death Do us Party

Okay--at long last--the wedding we were all desperately trying not to be fat for. It was picture-perfect, except for the fact that I slept on a loveseat cushion on the floor the night before. No sofa for me...just the loveseat. Cushions.

We kicked off the fun the day before. Jo-Jo gave Lancer some sweet Tiffany engraved cuff-links, and we ate pizza and salad. Joe--the Groomie--regaled us with his troll doll story (don't ask) and when we went to Fisherman's Wharf to play. It was a nice warm night--very UN-San Francisco.

Susan, Jo's sister, and Asian Baby, the flower girl!

We also got gorgeous matching pearl necklaces to wear the next day. Thanks Bridie!

The Big day!

Jo-Jo's fabulous shoes!

This is me with Husbie, stealing a moment--it was our 6th anniversary, afterall. More on that later.

I love this picture of them. This is so Jo-Jo!

They got hitched on the Mandarin Oriental Skydeck 40 floors up. Seriously--can you get a better backdrop for a SF wedding? It was amazing! No clouds, fog, or weirdos in view.

Here they are taking the plunge. See the hot Preacher Man?? I made out with him all night. That's less scandalous when you see it was Lancer. He was the officiant. Funny, yes?? He did a great job. I wrote the vows, and he delivered them with grace and panache. Good job Preacher Man! (Side Note: Brooke helped me realize this is a confusing factoid. In CA, you can get deputized for a day, and this allows you to marry anyone, regardless of religion. LJ is *not* really a Preacher/Priest/Officiant. He just plays one on TV.)

Done and done! Mr and Mrs Sparks!!

You should always make time for a little booty grab. Nice one Jo-Jo!

The Groomsmen...I love the one with the veil

The cake with the adorable vintage cake topper

After some relaxing, we headed to Harlot for a night of dancing. It was quite the cast of charachters. If ever I doubted that I am a boring suburbanite deep down...this crowd reminded me that I am.

I broke my heels off during the wedding, so I had to throw on the flip-flops. It was a nice touch.

Sharing a Shirley Temple with Jo-Jo!

Drive off into the sunset crazy kids! Love you! I'm so glad the obese twinners Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle Dum didn't clear out your buffet table. Or maybe they did, since I only heard about the shrimp cocktail--I didn't actually get any. Looking forward to the official pics from the big day.

XOXO

Um, Yes

How do you Afford Your Rock 'N' Roll Lifestyle?

Yet another reason I love this man. One day he meanders into the living room and says he wants to learn this Supertramp solo. 20 minutes later he's playing the whole part by ear. No sheet music, just sheer talent. And exceptional hotness.

What do you want him to learn and play next? You name it, he''ll do it. Journey, Kiss, Boston, Queen...he will even give you a shout out, and make stupid rockstar faces like the ones below in the next video.

He posted those beauties in Facebook and someone wrote "Cool hair! What made you cut it?" I answered "His wife." But it was really wig, and he is more than welcome to don the faux curls in the name of rock-stardom. After all, his speakers go to 11. And when that's the case, you can do what you want.

Walk The Line

More pics and fun info about the wedding to come. I think I may have danced with Joaquin Phonenix. See proof below.

Party Dude

Mr. Phoenix

PS...you know the wedding was awesome when that dude is at the after party. Yes, he's real. Suit, shoes, glasses, man-satchel, and beard. All real. Drink it in.

You Look SO Familiar--Have I seen You Somewhere Before?

Overheard in my closet today...

Shirt on Left: Hey! You're so cute. I like your style!

Shirt on Right: Thanks--you too! Love the color, it reminds me of something.

Shirt on Left: Right--I've got it. We're essentially the same freakin' shirt!

Shirt on Right: Correct! That's weird. Have you been hanging here for years? Hiding in the back? Tucked under the fuggy Christmas vest Kaari will use to win the ugly sweater 'n' nog party this year??

Shirt on Left: No. We were purchased on the same exact day last week.

Shirt on Right: So, Kaari didn't notice she essentially bought the same stupid shirt at two different stores?

Shirt on Left: Yep, and now you have to go back to the store.

Shirt on Right: Why me?

Shirt on Left: Because I'm Michael Kors, and you're from Sears.

The MK one is more stylish, but pretty much the same deal as the Sears one. The Sears one is longer, though, and could look good with skinny jeans and hot heels. The cruel irony is that I used a gift card to pick up the MK shirt @ Nordies (thanks girls!) so the Sears shirt cost more in the end than the MK one. I can't even justify it that way.

Which should stay, and which should go? Is it lame to have 2 versions of the same shirt?

The Grocery Gods Must Love Me

Because they stocked the shelves with these delish goodies.

Diet Cherry Coke. The regular deliciousness with a bite of cherry. So good it hurts. How did I not know this existed???

Gluten-Free Chocolate Chex, and his tasty little friends Corn Chex and Honey-Nut Chex--brand new!!

Strawberry Chex is kinda like the weird friend that tags along with the cool friends. My mom said I didn't have to be friends with weirdos, I just couldn't be mean. Strawberry Chex--I concede that others may like you, but I don't. You shall never grace my killer pantry with your sub-par and grody flavor.

And Betty-oh, Betty. You will make my life so much easier and cheaper with your brownies, cookies and even cake mixes available at all of the normal stores.

One day, I hope to be able to go to just one store, not 4 every single week. If I could skip Whole Foods on occasion and just hit Safeway, my life would be so much easier. At least that's what I will tell myself as I munch on a bowl of Honey Nut Chex, followed by a Betty Crocker brownie. After the wedding, of course. No fat bridesmaid here.

Why My Summer will Rule

Spring can go on its merry way. I want summer here so I can take in all of these hotly-anticipated babies:

Transformers 2--YES!!

Wolverine--YES!! (Though technically this is out now, but I'm trapped in a wedding by Jo-Jo the Bridezilla, and all that entails. Kidding--or am I??)

Terminator Salvation--Hell to the YES!!

Star Trek--YES!!!

Public Enemies--the story about how the FBI was formed--YES!!!

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince--YES!!!

Land of the Lost--YES!!!

GI Joe: Rise of Cobra. YES!!!!

Um, no.

Am I a dude? All signs point to yes at the moment. That's disconcerting. At least I will be a dude watching SUPER-AWESOME movies all summer long.

We're so 3008, You're so 2000 and Late

Our Thursday night flight to Vegas got off to a rocky start. This loud annoying lady named Nancy was on our flight, and spent the entire time taking pictures and screaming. She was turning 30, but she should have focused on turning into a normal person. I was looking over my shoulder the entire time, hoping Nancy wasn't in our hotel, or dancing in our clubs. That's what we get for taking blasted Southwest.

After a late-night dinner on Thursday, we slept in on Friday morning, and then got up to shop and eat at the Venetian.

No stop in Vegas is complete without a stop in at Thomas Keller's Bouchon bakery. Nummy-nummy.

While I would never wish Celiac on anyone, I'm always pleased to go out with Mallory, because she can't eat wheat either. We were *very* impressed with the delicious crab risotto we got to share.


What crazy antics did we get up to? Not many. But Jo-Jo the Bridie and I did eat some cookies in bed. And by "eating cookies in bed" I mean Jo-Jo got to eat a cookie, and I got to suck out the tasty innards of a peanut butter cookie and leave the carcass behind.

The Palazzo was fabulous. I love how I look all gigantic next to Claudette. She's tiny--so tiny, in fact, that a guy once didn't see her because one of us was standing in front of her. Funny stuff.

Had dinner at Cheeseburger in Vegas (not as exciting as Cheeseburger in Paradise) and got a delicious fruity drink.

We discovered a great trick a few years back. Club promoters hang out in popular places and have free VIP passes for all of the best clubs. You tip them, but it's always less than the price of one admission for the club. We got stacks of the passes for all the nights for everyone, including admission to the Oakenfold show on Saturday night. We have never, ever paid to get into a club. Better yet, we're always on the VIP list, and get walked right to the front of the line. Because, at the end of the day, clubs should pay us to come and dance, not the other way around.

With just one of our VIP passes

With another pass...

Jo-Jo on the dance floor, getting down before tying the knot. We were right about the veil--it attracted all sorts of attention, good and bad. Good because fun people were always talking to us and wishing her well. Bad because lame people were telling her not to go through with it. I suppose that's what you get for wearing a veil and sash.



DJ AM was spinning at Rain. We liked the music, but the people weren't really our scene. We bounced from club to club all night long.

This is the end result. 4, count them, 4 stamps and wristbands from 4 different clubs.

Ugh...sore feet. A hot bath and some giggling girls makes it all better.

We rolled into bed at an early 4:30 am..

The next morning, we had brunch at the Wynn. We never ate breakfast, unless it was 2 am from the night before. I had the lobster benedict--tasty!

After brunch, we did some shopping

And got makeovers at Neiman Marcus

After shopping, we got ready for our helicopter ride. It was really fun--worth doing once. The view of the strip is cool.




Then onto another night of dancing. Oakie was spinning from 10-4. We were going to dip in for a few minutes, but ended up shutting down the club...at 4:30. Then onto breakfast with Claudette--wakey wakey eggs and bacey!

We thought 4:30 was late the night before...until we rolled into bed at 6am!

The next day, we hung out by the pool, took naps, and then got ready for one last night out on the town. We went to the new club at Encore and never left.

We snagged an outdoor cabana and hung out there dancing in our own private villa. It was awesome.

Re-fueling with Diet Coke. Cheers!

I don't have a photo of when we went to bed because we never did. We pulled a true all-nighter and stayed out all night, and then went back to the hotel to pack and grab a cab. I did not feel all that great at noon today, let me just tell you. Which is why I am going to bed right now.

Here's to another great girl's weekend in Vegas. I love you ladies. I hope we all lost weight from 6 hours of dancing 3 nights in a row. That should make the weight loss race far more interesting. I know I'm not going to be the fat bridesmaid. Good luck to those who aren't on the dance diet!